Why Relationship Skills Matter
Your clients sacrifice themselves in relationships. They say yes when they mean no. They avoid conflict until resentment builds. Or they swing the other direction—aggressive instead of assertive.
This pillar teaches the middle path. Get needs met AND maintain relationships AND keep self-respect. All three at once.
Core Concepts: Balancing Three Goals
Relationship effectiveness means juggling three competing priorities simultaneously:
- Objective Effectiveness: Getting what you want—the specific outcome or request you're making.
- Relationship Effectiveness: Maintaining the connection—preserving or strengthening the relationship.
- Self-Respect Effectiveness: Keeping your integrity—acting in ways aligned with your values.
Your clients learn specific skills to balance these three goals:
- Assertiveness (Not Aggression): Your clients learn to ask clearly for what they need without demanding or attacking. There's a middle ground between passive and aggressive, and assertiveness lives there.
- Validation: Your clients learn to acknowledge others' perspectives without agreeing or giving in. This reduces conflict and builds connection—even when you disagree.
- Boundaries: Your clients learn to set limits without guilt. "No" doesn't require justification. Boundaries aren't walls—they're gates that protect what matters.
When to Use Relationship Skills
Use relationship skills when your clients are:
- Asking for something they need
- Saying no to requests
- Navigating conflicts
- Setting boundaries
- Wanting to strengthen a relationship
- Protecting their self-respect in interactions
Evidence-Based Approach: These interpersonal effectiveness skills are adapted from DBT's Interpersonal Effectiveness module, specifically modified for coaching contexts. They teach clients how to balance their own needs with relationship maintenance.
Relationship Skills Coming Soon
Individual skill pages for interpersonal effectiveness techniques are currently being developed. These will include DEAR MAN (assertiveness), GIVE (relationship maintenance), FAST (self-respect), Active Listening, Boundary Setting, Validation Skills, and Conflict Resolution.
Check back soon for detailed coaching guides on each technique.