Let me set a scene you might recognize.
A client has a hard week. They send a text Tuesday night — just checking in, they say, but really needing reassurance. You respond because you care. Wednesday, a quick voice note. You respond again. By Thursday they've already messaged twice before your Friday session even starts.
You're not their coach anymore. You've become their emotional stabilizer.
And here's the hard part: you built that system yourself. Not intentionally. Through availability.
The idea spreading through coaching that's partly right — and partly dangerous
There's a real belief gaining traction right now — that transformation happens between sessions, not just during them. That part is true. Growth happens in the spaces between your conversations.
Where things go sideways is the follow-up conclusion: that coaches should therefore be more accessible, more responsive, more present in those spaces.
Follow that logic far enough and you end up burned out, blurred on scope, and training clients to need you more every week — not less. That's the opposite of what coaching is supposed to do.
A lesson I didn't expect from parenting
My daughter has a strong support network — counselors, trusted people, structured resources she can reach for when she's having a hard time. It took time to build, and it works because on the hard days, no single person has to carry all of it.
That's the key. The system functions because it's distributed. If one person tried to absorb every moment of escalation, the whole thing would collapse — and that person would be useless to her when she genuinely needed them most.
Coaches are drifting toward that same single-point-of-failure model.
When a client's emotional stability depends on your availability, you haven't built a support system. You've become one. That's a fragile, unsustainable setup for both of you.
What you're actually teaching when you're always there
Clients learn what you model.
If they can reach you at 9pm and get a response, they learn that their regulation depends on your availability — that reaching out is the solution to internal discomfort. That's not a coaching outcome. That's a dependency. And it's the direct opposite of what most coaches are trying to build: clients who trust themselves, who can sit with discomfort, who can move forward without constant reassurance.
The goal was never availability. It was capability.
What a better model actually looks like
I spent most of my career building automation systems, and one thing automation taught me translates directly here.
Weak systems rely on heroic effort. They break the moment the person at the center steps away. Strong systems distribute the load. They work whether or not any individual is present.
Coaching is entering that same design challenge. The coaches who figure this out early will serve clients better, protect their own energy, and build practices that don't collapse the moment they take a real vacation.
Here's a model worth building — think of it as an escalation ladder, not an availability escalation:
Layer 1: Self-regulation. Your clients should have actual tools — grounding exercises, journaling prompts, coping frameworks — that they reach for before they contact anyone. Build this deliberately, early in the relationship, and revisit it. This is the foundation.
Layer 2: Structured resources. When self-regulation isn't enough, what's next? Worksheets, guided exercises, community, content you've created. These exist between sessions without requiring you to show up.
Layer 3: AI-supported reflection. This is where technology is genuinely useful. Journaling tools, accountability nudges, decision frameworks — AI can provide consistent, non-judgmental support without burning out. It doesn't replace your relationship with a client. It reduces the gap between you.
Layer 4: Scheduled contact with you. Your sessions, your calls — these should be the high-value, human-nuanced interactions that no tool can replicate. They matter more when they're not diluted by constant micro-check-ins throughout the week.
Layer 5: Crisis clarity. Your clients should know from day one what to do if something goes seriously wrong. That means 988, local crisis lines, their own emergency contacts. Not you at midnight. Not a text thread. A real protocol — in writing, discussed upfront.
The ethical piece we don't talk about enough
Availability feels like compassion. Short term, it often is.
But if a client's ability to stay regulated depends on your response time, you've introduced a real risk into their life. What happens when you're sick? When you're on vacation? When you eventually end the coaching relationship?
Healthy coaching models what healthy functioning actually looks like. That means: you have limits, you have boundaries, and you trust your client to handle things between sessions. Modeling that isn't a failure of care. It's the whole point.
When you design the system right, stepping back isn't abandonment. It's evidence that the coaching worked.
Where AI actually fits — and where it doesn't
AI won't replace what you do. But it can do things you genuinely can't: be available at 2am, respond without burnout, hold consistency across weeks without fatigue.
The mistake is using AI to increase client access to you. The opportunity is using AI to increase client access to skills and reflection — things that build independence rather than dependency.
That distinction matters more than any specific tool.
The question worth asking before your next intake
Before your next client starts, ask yourself: what happens when they're struggling and I'm not there? Is there a clear pathway — something they know, something they can use? Or do they wait for me?
If the answer is "they wait for me" — that's not a client problem. That's a design gap worth closing. Not by being more available, but by building something more durable in its place.
Your clients don't need more of your time.
They need more of your thinking — up front, built into a structure that works when you're not watching.
What does between-session support look like in your practice right now — and was it designed intentionally, or did it just happen?
Six Figure Coach Secrets was founded by Sa'Diyya Patel and is now run by Timothy Nichols. We create done-for-you coaching tools, session scripts, and business resources for coaches who want to do great work without building everything from scratch.
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